


may you always be satisfied.

by renjunarc



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, ive been listening to too much hamilton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-05 07:11:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16805914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunarc/pseuds/renjunarc
Summary: “Seungmin,” Woojin whispers, strained as if this is as difficult for him to as it is for him, “just admit it. You love him, don’t you?”(or: Life didn't grant Seungmin with any of the luck.)





	may you always be satisfied.

**Author's Note:**

> SO i've been listening to a lot of hamilton :)))  
> of course if you are familiar with hamilton, you'll already know this song is based off the song [SATISFIED](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InupuylYdcY) and some of [HELPLESS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6frd_dHxPRs) !!!  
> also the beginning part is inspired from a part of Queer of Folk lolol  
> anyways................. i hope you like it! even tho it's shit and rushed as usual  
> i'm feelin inspired to write a couple fics based off the songs of hamilton... thank u lord lin manuel miranda 
> 
> (also if you care. i am in love with john laurens.)
> 
> \- sal

“You can’t fool me, Seungmin,” Woojin’s soft voice is clear and crisp even as the music roars.

Seungmin’s shoulders sag and his hand squeezes his glass a tad bit tighter. He keeps his gaze leveled towards a certain couple circling the dance floor and ears focused on the music playing from the speakers. He refuses to indulge the older man with a response, but it’s not like he needs one either. The pathetic way he carries himself, since the beginning to now, is evidence enough.

But Woojin’s purpose isn’t to mock his feelings, nor is it to console him with falsehoods. After all, he knows better than to be an idealist when it comes to him.

Woojin shifts so that he leans against the wall behind them with crossed arms, expression thoughtful.

“I’ve known you for too long, regrettably too well,” Woojin says, “and you can deny it all you want, but you care about him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Seungmin snaps, slamming his glass down on the nearest counter and turning his head sharply towards the older, indignant. However, as soon as he speaks, he feels the regret and guilt envelopes him like an ocean wave’s crash, its intentions meaning to pull him under with its brutal force.

Immediately, his face heats and his eyes burn. He turns away, trying to ignore the way Woojin stares at him sympathetically and how he clasps a large hand around his wrist. He resists the urge to scoff -- does he think he’s going to lose _all_ of his composure that easily and escape from the prom? Tonight is a special night. Not for him, but for _them_ \-- he has to set it all aside.

“Seungmin,” Woojin whispers, strained as if this is as difficult for him to as it is for him, “just admit it. You love him, don’t you?”

Seungmin breathes. _One, two, one, two_ \--

“No,” Seungmin replies, voice hoarse. He sounds defeated. (He _is_ defeated.) Stiffly, he turns back to Woojin. He scowls at him through tearful, puffy eyes, and yanks his arm away from his grasp. And no matter how much of a lie it is, he spits, “ _I don’t_.”

Nevertheless, Woojin’s face softens. He nods his head slowly and takes a step back. His eyes turn away and focuses somewhere else, towards the center of the ballroom. Hesitantly, Seungmin follows his gaze and realizes his mistake as soon as his heart drops.

It’s a delicate scene, something that anyone should assume to see from a couple, but Seungmin still feels something shatter. Hwang Hyunjin’s arm is wrapped around Yang Jeongin’s waist, towering over the youngest with all of his height. His lips are pressed against the younger’s. From where Seungmin stands, even he could hear the unspoken promise of eternity between them.

The world crumbles.

With a faint heart and nauseating anxiety bubbling in his stomach, Seungmin rushes out.

  


**_Rewind_ **.

  


No matter how much he wishes to forget, he remembers that night quite vividly.

As Jisung refers to it, it’s a “get together.” But Seungmin is smart enough to connect Jisung’s reputation as JYP High’s party animal behavior to his incredulously dictated invitation. He even says as much when Jisung invited him, rolling his eyes at Jisung’s innocent heart smile.

There’s going to be deafening music, alcohol, too many people, and scandalous romances here and there. It’s everything Seungmin hates.

Yet, he still attends because he refuses to be some a loser who doesn’t know how to party. Also, for some reason, he allows his year younger neighbor, Jeongin, to tag along for the ride. Before they arrived, he tried to deter his incessant pestering. He warned him that there’s going to be alcohol and idiots in one crowd, but the kid dismissed his concerns with a laugh and reassured him he’ll be fine.

(“It’s nothing I haven’t seen on TV already, anyways, hyung,” Jeongin beamed.

“It’s nothing like they show on TV, Jeonginnie,” Seungmin rolled his eyes.)

When they arrive, it’s everything Seungmin anticipates and more. Velvet dashing lights pacing from every corner of the room, music so loud that he feels it in his heart’s drum than in the canals of his ears, people partying on every tile … just how does Jisung afford this many decorations and accommodations, and manage to invite this many people to his house? (He considers later that not all of the people present were directly invited, rather they heard the passing rumor of a party going on two neighborhoods away from the school and decided to come anyways.)

Seungmin loses Jeongin early into arriving. For the first few minutes, he worries then relaxes. The kid isn’t dumb enough to do anything his parents would be ashamed of.

… He doesn’t think so anyways.

Around the second hour, Seungmin’s hands are sticky with alcohol and his head hurts. Jeongin is nowhere to be found, but he’s ready to leave.

But someone joins him in the shadows. He’s taller than him by a few inches, but nothing too pride damaging. However, he’s devastatingly handsome. Inky black hair parted and gently swept into a fringe, sharp eyes and a beauty mark underneath the left, full lips, and a tall, slender build hidden underneath fashionable clothing … He doesn’t even know his name, but he’s kinda familiar and has been added to a mental list of boys who serve as a fine reminder of why Kim Seungmin is gay as hell.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say … you’re not having a good time?”

Seungmin blinks and looks up.

The boy is looking at him through the corner of his eyes. The corners of his lips are quirked up slightly, as if amused by the way his discomfort practically oozes out of him.

“God, no,” Seungmin grumbles, shaking his head, “Jisung’s parties always make me feel like dogshit within an hour of attending.”

The boy laughs, eyes wrinkling at the outer corners. “Yeah, I can understand. He really does go all out.”

“He does.”

“Are you guys friends?”

Seungmin shrugs his shoulders, gnawing on his lip. “Not really. We always have classes together and he copies off my homework sometimes but that’s really it between us. Nothing more than that.”

“But I guess it’s enough for him to invite you, huh?” The boy smiles, gently nudging Seungmin on the shoulder with his elbow. Usually, Seungmin would throw hands if some stranger touched him so familiarly without his consent, but he accepts the gesture done upon him with stride. He’s busy trying to quell the uncomfortable way his stomach flips between all of his organs.

“How’d you know he invited me?” Seungmin queried.

The boy stares at him, bewildered. “I was there when he did. You know we’re in the same seminar, dude. Kim Seungmin, right?”

Seungmin blinks rapidly and owlishly. _Is that why he looks familiar …?_ Seungmin’s mind short-circuits for a good five minutes.

“Ye-yeah … uh. You’re …” Seungmin stutters, searching his mind for a name to match the taller boy’s handsome face. He watches him, eyes wide with expectancy and hope. God, Seungmin is going to feel like such an asshole if he doesn’t get his name right. His face scrunches as he works his mouth around saying the first name that he guesses, uncertain, “... Hwang Hyunjin?”

The boy’s face -- _Hyunjin’s_ face -- splits into a wide grin, “So you do know me! That’s a relief.”

_Right._

Seungmin nods once, mouth dry.

They continue talking a bit longer about nothing in particular until Hyunjin finds himself being dragged away by a shorter boy with a brown bowl cut, piercing gaze and a sharp face. Seungmin vaguely remembers him as one of the seniors that Jisung hangs around, Seo Changbin.

“Sorry, Seungmin,” Hyunjin yells over the music, “I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah. Sure thing!” Seungmin responds just as loudly. Hyunjin grins at him, eyes gleaming happily under the velvet disco lights before he finally disappears into the crowd with Changbin.

For what seems like the first time in a while, Seungmin exhales and immediately feels relief spread throughout his body. Sure, he ends up inhaling the putrid smell of sweaty bodies grinding against each other mixed with alcohol, but he pays no mind. It’s too soon to decide, but he’s pretty _fucking_ sure he’s in love with Hwang Hyunjin and it’s the most satisfying feeling he’s ever felt in ages.

For the remainder of the night, his lips remain drawn in a wide, dopey smile. His cheeks are warm and his chest feels much lighter than it ever did before.

  


At some point during the ride home, Jeongin turns his body towards Seungmin, eyes sparkling, “Seungmin. Guess what?”

“What?” Seungmin acknowledges, mind floating.

“I met a guy at the party and got his phone number,” Jeongin babbles, “I think I really like him.”

“Oh yeah?” Seungmin chuckles, easing the car into a break before a red street light, “Did you get his name?”

“Yeah!” Jeongin chirped, “His name is Hwang Hyunjin.”

Seungmin’s posture stiffens at the name. His grip on the steering wheel tightens until his knuckles turn white. He feels his heart and the smile on his heart fall.

Jeongin fails to notice his tense reaction to his words and continues to recite the details of how it happened. The only time he addresses Seungmin again is when he looks up at the light and turns to inform him that the light is green. When the older jolts in surprise and rushes to kick the car back into drive, he merely continues his story.

Seungmin isn’t listening though. He’s too immersed in the fact that his lovely year younger neighbor, Yang Jeongin, _likes Hwang Hyunjin and got his_ **_phone number_ **.

The world is really out to get him, isn’t it?

  


For the first few days after the party, Seungmin avoids Hwang Hyunjin like the plague. He’s certain that the other boy notices his hurried, convenient reasons to sit at the other side of the classroom when he comes close, but he’s thankful that he hasn’t said a word of protest.

Two weeks later, Jisung pays him a visit at lunch.

“You’re so pathetic,” Jisung sighs brazenly, setting down his lunchbox and slipping into the seat across from Seungmin, “You think I’m really blind, huh?”

Seungmin narrows his eyes, chewing his lunch slowly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jisung sends him a look and shakes his head in disapproval. “Shut up. You do.”

“Why are you even sitting with me?” Seungmin groans, “Don’t you usually sit with your … friends?”

“Fuck you,” Jisung monotones, lifting one of his hands to flip him the bird. Again, he shakes his head and proceeds to take off the cover to his lunchbox. “They’re not here to sit with. Besides, even if they _were_ here, I’d still sit with you because we need to have an important chat.”

“About what?” Seungmin grouses.

“Hwang Hyunjin,” Jisung states. Suddenly Seungmin feels cold and an urge to bolt out of the room.

But the way Jisung stares him down like he’s silently challenging him to walk out of this conversation, he finds himself unnerved and remains glued to his seat. When it becomes clear that he has no intention of running away, Jisung’s flat expression morphs into something easy going and inviting. It’s the kind of face anyone would tell their secrets to.

“So. When’d you start liking him?”

“I--” Seungmin’s eyebrows pinch together, unsure if he’s hearing what he’s hearing, “What?”

“I told you I’m not blind,” Jisung pouts, “I share the same seminar as you two! Don’t think I don’t see the way you’re avoiding him every time he comes in the room!”

Seungmin knows he sees it. It’s not like he _tries_ to hide it in the first place. No one knows that he’s friends with Hwang Hyunjin (except maybe … Changbin?), so it doesn’t matter how he acts in the area of their seminar classroom. Whatever way people interpret it, it’s simply what they assume and something Seungmin doesn’t try to care about.

But Han Jisung isn’t the first person he would have expected to put the puzzle pieces together. Actually, he is one of the people he would **least** presume to be aware of his surroundings.

“So …? How long has it been? And why are you ignoring him?” Jisung probes, leaning closer.

“Ugh, you suck,” Seungmin swears, which Jisung smiles to, “Since your dumb party. And -- fuck you -- my neighbor has a crush on him.”

Jisung raises an eyebrow, “That was like … two weeks ago. And … the hell? Your _neighbor?_ Out of all people that could potentially steal your love story?”

“Yes.”

“Tragic,” Jisung murmurs with a somber nod, “You have my sympathy. Truly.”

“Don’t mock me, asshole.”

“I’m not trying to, but sorry if it’s coming off that way,” Jisung apologizes, suddenly sounding strangely distant from the conversation. He’s focused on something over Seungmin’s shoulder. Seungmin turns around to see what has garnered majority of his attention and feels his eyes soften when he discovers it amid all the people flooding the cafeteria.

Lee Minho, another addition to the graduating senior class, has his arm thrown around JYP High’s most favored student, Bang Chan. He can’t hear but obviously Chan says something funny because Minho tilts his head back to cackle.

Seungmin turns back around. Jisung has already looked away from the scene, now poking at the contents of his lunchbox with his plastic fork idly and avoiding the younger’s eyes. Somehow, he seems the smallest he has ever been. It’s a true reflection against his usual boisterous and exuberant self.

Perhaps Han Jisung comprehends what he’s feeling most of all.

In his mind, Seungmin pretends to give a shard of his heart out to the younger.

Seungmin actually forgets Jeongin has Hyunjin’s phone number until the next time he visits.

It’s Jeongin’s bedroom, but the boy is sprawled on the floor, phone held high above him as he texts someone hard and fast. Since he’s taken up the floor space, Seungmin takes the initiative and reclines comfortably on his bed’s beautiful galaxy covers.

“Who’re you texting?” Seungmin drawls lazily, ruffling the nearest window curtains with his toes.

“Hyunjin!” Jeongin exclaims, rolling over onto his stomach and sitting up, “I’ve been texting him nonstop since I got his number.”

Seungmin ignores the way his heart clenches and the way his mouth instantly dries.

Painfully, he smiles. “Cute.”

Jeongin grins back then resumes to texting. A moment later, a moment of recollection flashes across the younger boy’s face and he lifts his head in alarm, eyes wide.

“Seungmin, can I give your number to Hyunjin?”

“Why?”

Jeongin shrugs his shoulders. “He found out I was friends with you and asked if he could have your number a couple days ago.”

“I … Sure. Go ahead.”

“Sweet.”

  


**[xxx / 3.42AM]** hey is this seungmin? :p it’s hyunjin

 **[seungmin / 3.43AM]** This is he.

 **[seungmin / 3.43AM]** Why the hell are you texting me at almost 4 in the morning?

 **[hyunjin / 3.45AM]** sorry ;;; did i wake you?

 **[seungmin / 3.48AM]** No. You didn’t. I was just surprised to get a text so late.

 **[hyunjin / 3.50AM]** oh phew haha

 **[hyunjin / 3.52AM]** i woke up in cold sweat bc innie told me your number and i forgot to text it

 **[seungmin / 3.54AM]** Innie?

 **[hyunjin / 3.55AM]** jeongin!

**READ 3.55AM!**

  


**[hyunjin / 5.22AM]** hey i don’t know if you went to sleep or something but

 **[hyunjin / 5.22AM]** i’m glad i got your number altho uh i’m pretty sure you’re ignoring me ;;;

 **[hyunjin / 5.22AM]** i really want to be friends … if you’re okay with that

**READ 5.30AM!**

  


Hyunjin gets his response later that afternoon.

Seungmin willingly occupies the seat next to him. He even goes as far as shoving a bit of Hyunjin’s stuff to make room for his, then makes a show of plopping himself down on the chair. Hyunjin gapes at him. Then in seconds, his eyes are glowing and he’s practically throwing himself over the younger, announcing something about being friends to their entire seminar class.

From the front, Seungmin sees the way Jisung flashes him a ditzy smile with a supportive thumbs up. Beside him, his friend, Felix hollers a “good for you!” then returns to doing his homework.

Aside from Hyunjin beginning to pester him about everything and anything in hushed whispers, the day continues normally.

Seungmin feels good about the day.

And the day after that. The weeks after that. The months after that.

  


Hyunjin and Seungmin become good friends, somehow establishing a compact correspondence in only 6 months. Hyunjin knows more about him than he probably knows about himself -- it’s eerie, yet somehow endearing.

During the fifth month of their friendship, Hyunjin and Jeongin start going out.

When Jeongin announces the news, all of Seungmin’s suppressed feelings for Hyunjin emerge to the surface. It takes every bit of him to not crumple into a ball of depression right there.

Instead, he jests.

“If you really love me, you would share him.” It’s a lighthearted jab at the younger, but it’s enough to make Seungmin’s heart plummet like all the other times it did before. His face hurts from forcing on so many smiles around the boy, but what’s one more? It only takes a simple quirk to the corners of his lips and a playful roll of his eyes to make it believable, to make Jeongin grin along.

(“You strike me as a guy who’s never been satisfied,” Hyunjin hums over his calculus homework.

It’s probably a passing comment that he isn’t supposed to hear, Seungmin is well aware. Yet he still finds his eyes darting from his physics homework to the boy in front of him, regarding him with narrowed eyes. As much as he wills for it to happen, Hyunjin doesn’t look up to meet his gaze and continues to scribble down answers to the numbered equations.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” Seungmin clucks, shaking his head.

Hyunjin mirrors his action, scribbles another answer and opens his mouth to disagree, “You’re like me. I’m never satisfied.”

Seungmin purses his lips. He’s trying not to smile. “Is that right?”

Finally, _finally_ , Hyunjin looks up from his calculus homework. His sharp eyes gleam with a sparkle he’s never noticed before. Seungmin practically feels his heart leap into his throat, rendering him speechless when Hyunjin smiles at him with all of his teeth.

“I’ve never been satisfied.”)

  


**[hyunjin / two months before]** seungmin!!!! jeongin and i started dating :D

 **[hyunjin / two months before]** seungmin?

 **[hyunjin / two months before]** you usually answer me back quickly T__T are you sleeping

 **[seungmin / two months before]** No, I’m here. Sorry. I’m doing some late night studying and put my phone on silent.

 **[seungmin / two months before]** And I heard. Congratulations. :)

 **[seungmin / two months before]** Treat him well, alright?

 **[hyunjin / two months before]** ofc i will !!!!! >:o

 **[hyunjin / two months before]** why do you sound like im gonna do smth bad

 **[seungmin / two months before]** No reason.

 **[seungmin / two months before]** … I’m just saying.

 **[hyunjin / two months before]** you say some funny things :p

 **[seungmin / two months before]** … I guess.

 **[hyunjin / two months before]** haha :)) well i’m getting tired. just wanted to give you the news

 **[hyunjin / two months before]** i’ll see you at school, yea???

**READ!**

Seungmin started avoiding him again.

And eventually, prom day arrives.

Seungmin already has a ticket because Jisung bought him one at the booth. He meant to give him two so he could ask Hyunjin to go with him, but with an exasperated sigh, Seungmin shoved the ticket back into the boy’s hands and grumbled, “He’s going with Jeongin. They’re dating, remember?” Jisung frowned then, whether out of pity or whatever, and took the spare ticket to give to Felix instead.

Jisung also gives him a ride to prom out of sheer friendliness. He’s dressed in a fine, subtly striped suit with his blonde hair styled back. It makes Seungmin appear cheaper and out of place next to him, wearing his dad’s slightly oversized suit from when he was in high school and hair parted how he normally does it in the mornings. If Jisung had a problem with his appearance, he didn’t say anything. He’d only grabbed his hands and avowed that they’re going to have the best time of their life, whether the guys they crushed so fervently on were there or not.

Sometimes, Seungmin admires his strong resolve.

But prom is hell.

The food is too bland, the drinks are taste like water with a drop of fruity extract, the dance floor is full of people making fool out of themselves, he swears he saw Jisung dancing with Minho despite everything he stated earlier, Woojin knows he has a crush on Hyunjin, and he just witnessed his crush for months kiss his neighbor.

He sits outside of the prom hall, hands balled into fists against his eyes to keep himself from crying, feeling awfully fatigued. Overall, he’s defeated. He wants to melt into the floor and become one with the Earth’s core.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. Weakly, he procures it from his pocket and squints at the notification displayed on his lockscreen.

**[hyunjin / 9.21PM]** WE KISSED

Seungmin scowls.

Life really decided to keep all the luck from him.

**Author's Note:**

> contact me!
> 
> twitter: @/gayjisungie  
> instagram: @/jaeminwyd


End file.
